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Friday Funny... The ‘Dark Side’ of Fishing
1.) Long periods of inactivity Those maddening hours sitting, waiting, wishing, and praying for your alarm to burst into life or your float to dip. Staring out at the flat, calm, and lifeless lake surface without seeing so much as the tiny bubbles of a roach fart. With every passing hour, you slowly creep closer to the edge of your patience and sanity. The hours, days, and weeks between bites can feel like you’re a prisoner serving a life sentence in solitary confinement.
2.) Nuisance fishing Don’t get me wrong, I have respect for all fish and wildlife but the thoughts of having your rods all sorted with the best bait, the most accurate cast you could imagine, and the highest of high-tech rigs ready to outwit your chosen species, only to be ‘mugged off’ royally by another fish is nothing sort of infuriating. The thought brings me to tears – whether it’s a pike snaffling your prize PB roach or a snotty kamikaze bream taking your pop-up boilie! Whichever undesired creature gets involved, the sense of anger and lost opportunity is immense!
3.) Packing up in the rain It’s basically a form of ancient Chinese water torture. After spending your precious free time in pursuit of a fish with no result, having to pack away as a typical British summer’s everlasting deluge lashes down and soaks everything in your possession is enough to break the most tolerant of anglers.
4.) Using a bucket for a toilet I’m not adverse to ‘roughing it’ and far be it for me to be called a ‘soft Southerner’ but if you’ve been answering the call of nature in a bucket for a week, not only is your derrière permanently scarred by the less-than-comfortable rim of your chosen bucket but the cumulative smell is enough to make you want to put a lighter in each nostril and flick them on.
5.) Travel Only the British motorway network can transform even the most calm, placid of anglers into a raving fireball of frustration. The thought of being stuck and powerless in traffic while the best pegs get taken is only slightly better than the sombre drive back home after a blank session. God forbid you experience the two in the same trip because, to be honest, it would be excusable to turn the M6 or M25 into your very own demolition derby!
6.) Losing fish I would rather take a bullet than lose a fish. The feeling after a loss can only be compared to the death of a family member. Even if you were attached to the smallest of scrappy commons, the fact the hook pulled instantly makes you feel you’ve lost a 60lb beast that’s never been seen with human eyes before.
7.) Other anglers (some of them) Hammering in tent pegs, shouting, getting drunk, and having alarms on so loud that you can hear them from home are all prime examples of particularly annoying behaviour from certain other members of our fishing fraternity. Luckily, these instances are generally scarce!
8.) The money Like gambling, alcoholism, and any other addiction, angling takes a financial toll. I’m sure you’ve experienced the phenomenon of going into your tackle shop for some leads and ‘bits-n-bobs’, only to leave and realise you’ve spent a whole month’s wages on new rods, reels, and buzzers. God forbid the missus ever finds out!
9.) The divorce Missed anniversaries and birthdays, combined with days and weeks away from home while your loving missus/hubby looks after the kids and you chase your fishing dreams. This is a recipe for a very expensive disaster! If you’re extremely lucky (like me) you might find yourself one of those incredibly rare partners who actually want to go fishing with you! In this case, my advice would be to marry them instantly. Otherwise, you could save yourself the inevitable heartache…
10.) The lack of thought or care about anything else in the world apart from carp fishing! Nuff said.
I might seem like a miserable, sceptical, grumpy angler but let me finish by saying that for every reason not to go fishing, there are a million more reasons to go!
